Swingers Do’s and Don'ts


There are no hard and fast rules in swinging, so you shouldn’t expect the following Do’s and Don’ts to be either.  They are merely recommendations of what has been shown to be effective (or NOT) for many swingers in the lifestyle.  You could follow every single DO in the list and still be unsuccessful.  By the same token, you could make every DON’T mistake cited below and yet be wildly successful in the lifestyle.  The point is: responses to swinger profiles are distributed in the same bell curve as people in the lifestyle.  With enough swingers in the sample population, there will be someone for everyone.  But this article is about maximizing your success and getting the most out of your swinging experience.  There are exceptions to every single item below.  Our advice?  Don’t dismiss these popular and proven DO’s and DON’Ts just because you think you’re the exception or somehow don’t agree with them.  Remember: your swinger personal page is not the location to convince the masses that your opinion is the correct one.  This is about effective marketing of yourself to other swingers.  Be honest, but don’t knock yourself out of the running because you think other readers are exactly like you.  Follow these guidelines and you will greatly improve your chances.


This first section of this Do’s and Don’ts page is a brief listing of the positivechanges you can make or include in your personal page to have the most appeal to the most swingers.  Your personal page will be more effective if you follow these guidelines.  However, the bottom line is if we had to distill this entire section down into the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO it would be the first one cited below in the “Do” list: Post a photo.  There is absolutely nothing more important you can do than add a good photo.  The next thing we would recommend is to perform a spell check of your personal page.  If you can only do two things it would be these two.  We hope you do all of the following in the DO section.

Do post a photo.  Temple University study for online dating demonstrated that profiles with photos got 10x more responses than those without.  Despite the well-known and proven advantages, many people still do not post photos.  It cannot be stressed enough how important it is to have a good quality hi-resolution picture.  Your picture should show how you actually look—today, not a decade ago!  It shouldn’t be a bad or blurry photo either.  If you can provide a face shot without worry, you should do so.  Anyone who posts a real photo that clearly shows what they look like in real life gets a LOT more attention.  They better the pictures, the better your responses.  If you can be funny with a photo—DO IT!  Do the green-screen thing at the amusement park where you stand with famous people or in front of the podium at the Oval Office or in the middle of some famous event.  Have friends take a picture of you wrestling with an inflatable 8 foot alligator or do a naked shot where your privates are covered with something amusing.  That said; do NOT do drunken party pictures.  Drunk shots are never flattering.  (For specific Photo Don’ts: see below)


Do be specific , write a detailed profile about what you need or is important to you while swinging that will make the other swinger know you’re ready to meet very soon.  If you have things you do regularly or have responsibilities for such as daycare, or a night job, or working weekends, or being on call, or traveling, or coffee-drinking, or pets, or food or latex allergies, etc. etc. make sure to include them in your profile. You don’t want these things to become a bone of contention later.  If the only thing you’re interested in swinging is soft swap with couples—say it.  Or, if you do NOT want to ever be contacted by single males—be specific.

Do look at your competition.  Do searches for a person who “resembles” you (age, sex, orientation, experience, race, etc.) More than likely, a few similarities will show up quickly.  Avoid stealing any tag lines, no matter how brilliant and perfect they may sound.  Perving your competition is about making sure you do NOT sound like everyone else—not copying what they have.

Do be positive.  Sell yourself.  Be honest.  You are the only you.  You are one in a million.  Don’t get negative or laundry list things you hate.  Talk about stuff in the lifestyle you like and have enjoyed, not the things that have gone wrong.

Do be humorous.  Humor goes a long way.  You appear intelligent and positive.  Sex and swinging is about having a good time.  Humor is closely related to that human experience.  Show it if you can.

Do ask questions.  Questions engage the reader.  They have no choice but to become involved.  Find ways to ask questions in your profile that will get your seduce your reader into wanting to know more about you.  The question(s) should involve something with your main interests.  If you love scuba diving, you can lead up to a question such as, “The best place I’ve ever gone diving is off the coast of the Rea Sea.  What’s the best place you’ve ever been diving?”  Or, if you have been to swinger resorts you could ask a question such as, “I’ve been to Hedo thirteen times.  Have you ever gone there?”

Do ask for feedback.  Get someone to critique your personal page.  When someone responds, ask them what attracted them in your personal page—and what did not!  Constantly update and change.

Do update your profile.  After you get the feedback (positive and negative), update your personal page accordingly.  If you wrote that you are really into watersports—but keep getting those with a particular fetish—you might want to change the text to suggest you like diving, snorkeling, and jet skis!  Update your age and weight regularly.  Refresh your photos.  Include the year a photo was taken if it is more than a year or two old and is still representative of you.

Do use spellchecker before you post.  There is no way around it.  Life is unfair.  Like it or not, people who misspell words are seen as uneducated and illiterate, and are less likely to get laid.  This is such a simple thing to do and reaps HUGE rewards.  It is amazing how people grossly underestimate the effect of poor grammar or spelling has on their profiles.  That said, some words in the lifestyle have some slight variances in spelling that are considered acceptable, e.g. cumming, 4sum, fauxmosexual, etc.  Beyond that, spellchecker is easy.  Use it.


Do NOT post personal information in a profile.  No real names.  Use a fake name, your user name, or just initials if you have to.  No telephone numbers, no addresses, no e-mail addresses, no IDs, no work information.  That information can be judiciously given in chats, emails or in person.  You may have nothing to hide, but there’s no advantage in revealing your true identity online—and plenty to risk!

Don’t use bad tag lines or clichés. “I’m the One Your Mother Warned You About” or, “I Am the One You’re Looking For.”  “I like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.”  “I like long walks on the beach.” “I like to do anything fun.”  OMG! Really?!

Do NOT use aggressive language.  If you portray an aggressive nature, most users will move on to the next profile. In the same vein, bragging, narcissism, or using demeaning language of others will turn most people off.

Do NOT talk about the size of your cock.  That is, unless it is TRULY (absolutely fucking TRULY) over 9 inches in length!  …and can prove it!  …with LOCKED photos of HIGH quality that are NOT altered or distorted and have objects of scale and size to provide accuracy.  People are so jaded about guys bragging about their average cock being fucking huge that virtually no one is believed anymore.  If you happen to be one (literally) in a million—don’t mention it at all and have locked photos to reveal your full glory when SHE asks for it.

Do NOT post just a single sentence in a narrative block.  By the same token, don’t regurgitate War and Peace either.  Give enough information for people to make a decision about you.  There are thousands of personal pages.  Yours is one.  Get to the point.  Provide a brief overview of who you are, what you are looking for, and what you’d like to do.

Do NOT (normally) use slang.  Also avoid anything like 1337Leetspeak, excessive acronyms, Ebonics, misspellings, jargon, colloquialisms, or anything else that doesn’t follow English spelling, grammar and syntax.  Informal, misspelled, or colloquial speech is likely to be misinterpreted or misunderstood.  Don’t give someone an easy excuse to not contact you.

Do NOT leave any empty white space.  Do not say “Can’t think of anything to say.”  Or, “I’ll write something later.”  Or, “Ask me whatever you want.”  Blank space says you are not really interested in taking the time to fill it out, so you will probably not be willing to invest in chatting or meeting or actually following through with anything.  Blank profile=I don’t care=I will stand you up.


Do NOT brag.  You will sound like an arrogant ass.  “I will rock your world” or “I will light you on fire” or “You will never find anyone like me” or “No woman has EVER walked away from me unsatisfied” are a few examples ridiculous self-promoting that probably will have the exact opposite effect.  The problem is that those who have this failing rarely know or see that they are doing it.  And when others tell them they sound arrogant, they believe it is a compliment.  The best advice is to remove anything you think sounds like bragging, and have a friend read your personal page and ask them specifically if they think it sounds like you are arrogant.

PHOTO DON’TS:  The assumption of the photo subsection below is that photos in your profile are limited in number (1 or 2) and unlocked.  If you have dozens of photos and most are locked and private—then you are probably okay with any of the infractions below.  If true, you only open the ones you need to—as people ask.  These Photo Don’ts below go more to the idea of having only one poor choice of an unlocked public picture that is the only thing that defines you.

Don’t post a fake photo.  Don’t photoshop yourself to look better, prettier or longer.  Fake shots are very bad form.  Post real pictures and post several. It will reassure people that they’re not faked. 

Don’t post a prop shot.  No convertibles or muscle cars, no oversized teddy bears or cats.  No stuffed dear heads or trophy fish.  You can tell people of your hobbies, but don’t make your one open profile picture of yourself a shot with a prop.  You and that prop will become synonymous.  It will conflate everything else you are and what you wrote into just you and the prop.  If you post a picture of you holding your precious little kitty Mr. Tiddles—you will become the “cat lady.”  If you post a Harley-Davidson shot—be prepared to only hear from Harley people.  Do not have pictures with any kids in them (it won’t be allowed anyhow).

Don’t post a glamour shot.  It is NOT recommend to use a glamour shot.  People can see that it is a glamour shot and are suspicious of what you will really look like.  And those that don’t recognize it as a glamour shot will probably be very disappointed when you show up on your first meet and greet.

Don’t post public close-up photos of your piercings and your tattoos.  That is, unless you are ready to only have sex with people who love and admire body modification art.  Some people love it and will contact you just because of your body art. Others hate it and will never meet you once you tell them you have it.  Don’t alienate the huge numbers in the population who may consider fucking you as long as piercings and tattoos are not your sole defining characteristic.

Don’t post pictures that are group shots.  The picture should be of younot your friends.  You need to be the one they are seeing.  Additionally, you would need to have permission of your friends to be uploaded to the site anyhow.

Do not post landscape pictures with you in them.  Yosemite and Yellowstone are beautiful, but how can anyone know what you look like when you are the speck at the base of the mountain?  It tells readers you like grand awesome vistas of nature in all their grandeur.  That’s great if they want a calendar picture, but virtually useless for swinging unless they can see what you look like.

Don’t post pictures where your face is covered up.  Unless you are purposefully trying to hide what you look like, no pictures with you wearing hats or sunglasses.  They cover you up and make it seem like you’re hiding something.  Sunglasses look intimidating, they disconnect you from your readers, and they make you appear narcissistic to some people.  Unless you’re on a baseball team or a Hollywood icon, lose the look.  If you can’t post a picture of your face, you are at an extreme disadvantage.  Too bad for you, but it limits your success in swinging.

Do NOT post pictures from your webcam or a POV shot of yourself in the bathroom mirror with your cell phone.  Perhaps the single most horribly egregious photo Don’t.  Do you have no friends who could take a picture of you?  Do you have no hobbies?  Do you spend your life naked in front of a computer monitor in your mother’s basement?  The only picture you have of yourself is one of you holding a cell phone locked in the bathroom where your wife can’t see what you are doing?  Unfuckable.  Enough said.

Do NOT post a picture of yourself inside your car.  Most people will automaticallyassume you took a picture of yourself in your car to discreetly hide what your doing from your spouse.  Why else would the one photo you have of yourself be from inside your car?!

Do NOT post just a cock shot.  Men are visual.  They will always look for the photo to help make a decision, whereas women are more likely to read the profile.  Guys make the mistake of thinking they will win women over with a photo of their cock!  There is probably nothing more pathetic than a profile that has only that one picture.  With 75% of the population of males possessing a penis that is 1.5 inches different from the same average length of every other single guy on the planet, you think THIS is what will set you apart from all the other guys and get her all hot and bothered?!?  PUH-lease…  Have a shot available if you want, but keep it private and locked, and ONLY unlock it if SHE asks for it of her own volition.

Swinger Lifestyle Definitions

Click on “Lifestyle Definitions” to see a list of all the different activities for swingers to do.  And also as a reference if you see a word and/phrase that you’re not sure about.

Happy Swinging

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