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Swinging Pros and Cons

Swinging pros and cons? Perhaps the number one question asked of experienced swingers or posted on swinging forums is “What are the pros and cons of swinging?”  So, just how do most people decide to become swingers?  Surprisingly, most people make a very deliberative, informed and reasoned decision about joining the lifestyle.  Although there are probably hundreds of reasons that are offered by novice and expert alike, this article will try to distill fact from fiction and provide a brief description of the most common benefits and disadvantages that are often suggested. There is an optional survey at the end, or you can click HERE and take it now.

First of all, very few people stumble into the swinging lifestyle.  For most people, swinging starts with a deliberate choice—weighing the pros and cons of swinging before entering the lifestyle.  Certainly some people do fall into a ménage à trois on occasion, and Hollywood movies and bodice-ripper novels are replete with such tales of ribaldry.  But even then, the conscious decision to continue in the lifestyle is rare.  Typically such encounters are a single night of drunken revelry from youth that is often remembered but never repeated.  And it is with good reason that it is so rare, since most couples are completely ignorant of the truth about open sexual relations and the pros and cons of swinging.

To begin with, only half the US population lives together as couples—either in marriage (40%) or as cohabitants (10%).  Of those that are in lasting and committed relationships, only about 2% are in the lifestyle.  The rest are single, divorced or widowed.  So the odds of you being a swinging couple are rare.  Nonetheless, there are millions of swinger couples who have established a swinger social network of clubs, socials, websites and lasting friendships.

To many it may seem odd that sex—as the single most visceral act of human evolution with all the powerful emotions that are tied to it—is so carefully weighed in the decision making on whether to swing.  But this careful calculus is precisely what most successful swinging couples do  …and appropriately so.  Those that don’t are playing with fire—and the results are almost uniformly disastrous.  So before you even consider the discussion of starting to swing with your partner, you have to decide if you think you are even among the rare 2% of the couples who have ever tried this.  Next would be the weighing the pros and cons of swinging in your own mind and then with your spouse or partner.

There are many pros and cons that are obvious, a few that aren’t, a few that can be either depending on your perspective, and a few that are actually quite counter-intuitive

 

Clearly one of the biggest advantages in the pros and cons of swinging is the increased quality, quantity and frequency of sex for you, your partner and with each other.  The sex you have when swinging is some of the best sex you will ever have in your life.  Jokes abound in the lifestyle about how much better the sex is now that you are a swinger than it was for years as an unattached single when you were younger.  You have more sex, better sex and more frequent sex than you ever have in your life!  Part of the reason is the Coolidge Effect where the newness is so exciting and stimulating that you are just more interested in and capable of sex than you ever have been before in your life.  Make no mistake.  Swingers have better and more frequent sex than any one else in the world!

Closely related is the type of sex you will be having.  There are virtually unlimited possibilities of the kinds of sex you can have.  It’s all fun and exciting, but some of the sex can be really wild or even kinky–if you want it to be!  A new partner may be something you‘ve never experienced before.  But what about sex with three people in the bed? Or four? Or more?  Do you know what a 369 is? A Daisy Chain? Or what Hedo is?  There are positions and things you simply cannot do with just two people, but you can with several new friends!  And for the more adventuresome, there are kinks and fetishes and activities and explorations into your sexuality that you never could do with just your spouse or partner.

But it is not just new and exciting sex with strangers or new friends you have made.  It is better and more frequent sex with your own partner.  The sexy images, the stimulating experience, the wild times all spur you on to greater sex with your partner!  The next time you make love with your partner it is hotter and better than it has been in perhaps years.

Watching, being watched or just “knowing” what you did or your partner did can be such a turn on that it can result in fantastic sex for weeks after.  Most couples talk about how much better the sex is with each other after they begin swinging with others.

And of course, just the newness of the experience can be thrilling.  Many couples come into the lifestyle after decades of strict monogamy.  For these couples it is not abandoning their past or rebelling against society.  Swinging is not a sexual revolution from the 60′s; it’s a sexual evolution of the 21st Century. Properly planned and thoroughly discussed, the lifestyle can provide a controlled environment where you or your spouse can step out and feel new and young and sexy without risking your marriage or commitment to each other.  Many couples have the chance to flirt, dance, and enjoy the thrill of the dating scene that they have not done since they were teenagers or in college.  Men get the chance to be on the hunt again and women revel in the sudden attention they may not have allowed themselves in years.

Few people would ever want to say that their relationship is boring, but the truth is that most couples fall into well-established routines after several years.  Successful relationships are the ones that re-invent themselves every seven years or so, i.e. changes in jobs, location, children, empty nests, etc.  Swinging is certainly a way to change things up a bit in a relationship!  Certainly one of the advantages in the pros and cons of swinging is the variety and the myriad opportunities that swinging affords.  You will definitely have some things to talk about over breakfast in the morning or the next time you whisper in your mate’s ear during love-making.

Change, variety, difference, alternative, unconventional, choice, freedom—no matter what word you choose to use to describe what the lifestyle is—you never find swingers saying they are bored!

 

Of course the single most cited and perhaps most crucial disadvantage to swinging is sexually transmitted infections, or STI It is terribly unfair however to suggest that the lifestyle is somehow inherently more unsafe than other sexual activity.  Sex is sex; and anyone who in engages in unprotected sex is equally at risk as any other person.  STI, including HIV/AIDS, does not care about your feelings or motivations or how you decided to have sex with someone else.  Diseases do not respond to society’s perceptions of morality or discriminate based on race, color or creed.  Your risk of contracting an STI is fundamentally tied to your choice about the use of condoms and very little else.  Of course the solution to this potential drawback is easy.  Use condoms.  Use them every single time.  But this is good advice for anyone who has sex.  Swingers actually have a lower rate of STI than supposedly monogamous couples.  Because swingers know they will have sex with others they go into it with proper planning.  Cheating husbands and unplanned drunken sex at the office party puts traditional relationships at far more risk than swinging.

And, it goes without saying, swinging is certainly better than cheating or infidelity.  And if you can’t understand the difference, then swinging is clearly not for you.  The lifestyle is a big tent and swinging is very broadly understood to contain a wide variety of sexual practices and interests.  But very few in the lifestyle accept philandering or infidelity as real swinging.  The lifestyle is supposed to be all about honesty, acceptance and openness of sexual experiences.  That said, swinging is done by human beings.  So there will be those who cheat, those who lie, those who are jealous, and those who are close-minded.  But the philosophy of the lifestyle is freedom in sex.  Cheating is about deception and lying and betrayal of trust.  The lifestyle is about honesty and openness and acceptance.

In swinging there isn’t supposed to be any cheating because you should have already discussed, agreed and encouraged each other to have sex with others—either with their consent or, more often, with their assistance!

 

Another advantage in the pros and cons of swinging that many newcomers do not understand is that it can actually make your bonds to your mate stronger.  It seems counter-intuitive that having sex with others can make a relationship stronger, but it is often the case.  The openness, the acceptance, the willingness to let go, the trust associated with your permission can all lead to a partner who is more appreciative and loving.  Of course, a very strong, stable and solid relationship is a prerequisite.  Swinging will NOT fix a bad relationship.  A weak marriage will auto-destruct quickly in the lifestyle.  But if you have a strong marriage and are looking for new and exciting ways to add to the dimension of your love with your mate—then the lifestyle may be for you.

A few other benefits of the pros and cons of swinging are less widely known by the outside vanilla world.  One wonderful side-effect of the lifestyle is the increased fitness you are likely to enjoy.  Along with the increased sexual activity associated with swinging is the psychological motivation to look better and be in better shape.  Too many of us “let ourselves go a little” after we have been in a long term relationship for awhile.  But the lifestyle motivates many people to get in shape, lose weight and take better care of themselves.  Additionally, you are likely to encounter a wide variety of people from all sorts of walks of life and backgrounds.  It is not uncommon for swingers to develop close relationships with other swingers that would be impossible if they had their clothes on!  Swinging creates some of the happiest of bedfellows you could ever imagine.  These new friends will expand your mind, challenge your assumptions about the world, and provide care, comfort and companionship that you could have never imagined before you started into the lifestyle.

But of course there are disadvantages when weighing the pros and cons of swinging too.  Some have been alluded to already.  Swinging will destroy a bad relationship faster than you can possibly imagine.  But the lifestyle really doesn’t wreck the marriage.  It had to have been bad to begin with.  Swinging just sped it along the road faster.  If you are in an unhappy relationship or are trying to rescue a bad marriage, then the lifestyle is not for you.  Don’t kid yourself.  Don’t try it.

The real crux of the problem with swinging and the stress it can put on a relationship all stems from jealousy.  Jealousy is absolutely the number one problem, hands down, in the wonderful wide world of swinging.  And that should surprise no one.  It is a programmed human genetic trait that has been successfully carried forward through eons of evolution–and a common problem in the vanilla world too.  But those feelings of jealousy can be greatly accentuated in the lifestyle.  Jealousy reveals itself in many different ways—feelings of loss of control, insecurity, possessiveness, anger, frustration, and even physical ailments.  But no matter how the jealousy is expressed, it must be discussed and dealt with.

Feelings of jealousy are common and can never be truly eradicated.  Even career swingers talk about how certain situations can produce feeling of insecurity, jealousy or possessiveness even after years of experience in the lifestyle. 

The key to overcoming jealousy however is communication.  You have to talk with your partner about your feelings, determine what your personal triggers are to jealousy, and continually communicate your love to one another.  Successful swingers manage, redirect and channel jealousy to a positive benefit.  Couples that do not communicate effectively will constantly run in to trouble.  Couples in solid relationships that communicate with each other rarely have trouble.

The old adage “be careful what you wish for” is too often true in the lifestyle.  Some couples discover things about themselves and each other that they would have never dreamed possible—and can, therefore, be a source of stress.  Sometimes the husband who has pressured his wife to swing for years suddenly is none too happy when his wife takes to swinging like a duck to water and is fucking a dozen guys in a gang bang at the local club!  And how will you handle it if the strong masculine man you have loved for 25 years suddenly reveals a bisexual side of himself you never knew about?  There are many things in the lifestyle that can be wonderful benefits, but also stressors if you are not prepared for them or do not/have not communicated properly.

Also, some couples face feelings of dissatisfaction if they end up being unsuccessful in the lifestyle.  The old adage is, “If you can’t get laid in a vanilla bar, you can’t get laid in a swinger club” is still true.  The lifestyle also has unique expenses in time and money as you go out, travel or join clubs or destinations to go swinging.  You may also find yourself hiding your activities or defending your choices to family and friends who are less enlightened.  Some jobs have moral clauses that could put your occupation at risk if discovered.

The rewards of the lifestyle are spectacular, but they come at the cost of increased stressors.  You have to have a stable relationship that is founded on a bedrock of trust and stability.  You have to have excellent communication skills, frankness, openness and trust.  If this describes your current relationship, you may be able to succeed as a swinger.  If you do, you will be among the rare 2% of couples who have the kind of maturity and emotional intelligence that will allow you to step outside the proscribed  confines of sexual mores and into the wonderful world of the lifestyle.So what is the first step?  The first thing to do is join up for free with Swinger Social Networkand start chatting and talking with other swingers.  Ask questions.  Get advice.  Find a mentor.  Figure out how other swingers got into the lifestyle.  Start your sexual evolution by joining right now!

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