Take a look around and you’ll be stunned when you find discover how many people you know that are swingers! If you’re thinking a swinger is female who is a hard body or a stud with “6 pack abs” think again, you couldn’t be more wrong. Your jaw will hit the ground when you find out how many swingers you already know and they have been swinging for a long time. There’s a good chance neighbors are swinger, everyday people you see at the supermarket, the curvy woman you see walking her dog who is so nice, and just about everybody else. Swingers are everyday people, married or single, who enjoy sex, want to add “spice” to their sex life; try new sexy play, swap partners, enjoy fantasies you’ve had for ages, learn about new sexual things to enjoy. See more articles on the blog for ideas and our “Lifestyle Definitions” guide, written by swingers to get you up to speed. Around the world swinging it taking off millions of married couples are consensually swapping partners.
The swinging lifestyle was something more of a fantasy. However, things have changed and being a swinger has changed from being a fantasy to reality for all of us. Swingers are not your “special people” who are in great shape & look like models, or people who go to expensive clubs for “lap dances”, etc. They are your everyday guy, girl, and couple who you see out shopping, chat with when at happy hour, neighbors you watch movies with, etc. Nervous about trying it? That’s totally understandable, as I said earlier, read other posts here and the “Lifestyle Definitions” here and you’ll realize it’s something you’d have no problem getting started. For some it’s more pillow talk and roleplaying but it much more. It’s a “lifestyle”.
For some couples, the idea of swinging is merely pillow talk or fantasy roleplaying, while others have wholeheartedly stepped in the complex web of this lifestyle. If you’re remotely considering swinging with your spouse, part-time lover, or a friend with benefits there are a few things you should know before getting started.
How to bring up the idea of swinging?
For us it was amazing, we both had been thinking about getting into swinging but neither had the nerve to bring up the idea. In bed we often share fantasies and much to my surprise my husband casually asked me how I would feel about having a threesome and having another person join us. The immediate look on her face answered my question, her eyes lite up and smile grew, I knew the answer. Then we just took it from there. After having the threesome, we felt comfortable enough discussing the option of playing with other couples. Turns out it’s been a fantasy she’s had since college.
What made you want to try it? And what were your expectations.
We wanted to try it because it has been an issue of unending curiosity for both of us as well as a fantasy we both have had for years. We wanted to add more to our convential relationship, explore together things we that we were confident we’d love and actually strength our conventional relationship. We has been an unfulas an exercise to become closer to experience things together that may have otherwise been a threat to a conventional relationship. We expected it to be a learning process but we didn’t know how much thought and effort would have to go into it to find the right fit.
Being new to swinging, we did not know how to meet like minded people, but the post here were a huge help.
We did our homework, read blogs, the “lifestyle definitions:, etc. Once on the site we emailed others who turned out to be very friendly. We realized Swingersocial was basically a dating site for adults. After a few emails and chatting we found the best way to get started was to go to a “Meet and Greet”. What’s a “Meet and Greet”, we had no idea. It’s just meeting a small group of members on the site meet at a local bar on a weeknight. And OMG, turns out the bar was 3miles from out house and we go there a lot. And YEP, sure enough, our friends were part of the small group. The conversation was what you’d expect at a non swinging get together. Work, travel, issues with the weather, etc. and oh yea and then the unique topic of swinging came up.
All of the members where so accommodating to chat about swinging, how they got into it, how long they have been into the lifestyle and basically it was meeting with friends you also have an “open relationship”
Our new experienced swinging friends suggest we go to a swinging club NOT a “Gentlman’s Club” with lap dancer, etc. The cool thing is you have the choice of participating or not. People at swing clubs are very helpful and are willing to offer guidance for newbies.
We feel the “Meet and Greets” are the best. Very casual, you don’t have to put in much effort, just a local drive and be casually dress, and you’ll find out how friendly and accommodating everybody is. And see that they are all you “everyday” person you see in public.
Before going to the club for the 1st time, we had a long talk to make sure we both wanted to do this AND the dos and don’ts. That made us feel comfortable and changed nervousness to curiosity.
Having been to the “Meet and Greet” we essentially been coached on lots of things; ranging from how to “talk” to the other couples and give insight on how dating and partner swapping work from the opposite sex’s point of view, which was really fun to learn about. We made a point to discuss safety and comfort and working as a team. So if one person started feeling nervous, uncomfortable, or left out, the other partner would come to their aid above all else.
We’ve learned many things now that we’ve been swinging.
Boundaries are never set in stone, not knowing exactly what to experience heightens the intrigue factor. In fact, couples first starting out should expect the unexpected. For instance, when you’re in the middle of playing, it’s important that communication with your partner is critical. So, if you don’t like something, don’t be afraid of speaking up. Also, every experience is always going to be different. Don’t expect the same experience each time, there’s always something different that will come up.
Getting ready for a night of swinging is so fun!
Anticipation is all part of the fun. Presentation of ourselves is so fun, what theme do we want to portray tonight – what to bring and what to wear. We love getting dressed up for the occasion and picking out which sex toys will accompany us. Being well-prepared for a night of fun is important too. We typically pack an overnight case full of goodies and sex toys. And Lube—-don’t forget the lube!
Our 1st club visit meet our expectations and we wanted to get back there!
At first, you feel a little awkward, lucky we saw a couple we met at our local “meet and greet”, got to chatting and a little tour of things. Then we were at the bar and another couple came up and they broke the ice! Things are similar to what we experience in our visit to a bar However the topic of sex, instead of being “off limits”, it’s definitely a topic everyone loves to talk about and if there’s chemistry, engage in!
It’s been a while since we slowly introduced swinging into our lives, and it’s added a lot of fun.
It’s important not to have expectations, swinging is not for everyone. Some people try it a few times and call it quits, while others continue thriving in the lifestyle. You really have to participate at your own pace. A big challenge most couple is insecurity and jealousy. See our article on the blog about how couples have dealt with these issues. These types of negative emotions are naturally occurring in every relationship. But when you are part of the swinging community, the emotions like jealousy can become amplified in unexpected ways. But if you and your partner can work through the uncomfortable moments, swinging can be rather rewarding. We would absolutely do it again; as it has created a closer bond between me and my partner.
Advice for those who are curious.
Don’t not use swinging as a manipulative tactic for cheating on your partner. Swinging is a cooperative expression between consenting adults and should never be used for hurting another person. There are different types of swinging groups such as soft swap to full swap groups to those who only want kink to those who simply enjoy watching. Swinging is not always about having sex and is a great way of getting to know yourself and your partner on a totally different sexual level.. Having a strong foundation in your relationship is vital even before talking about swinging. If you can’t share everything with your partner and feel like you have to hide things—then this type of expression may not be a good fit. The single most important thing, is to have fun and enhance your conventional relationship.